Pyrenees Ice-climbing

Icy seductress ..

It s four am. and I am wide awake: have been since mid-night. Nicely wired. Yes. My bed is cosy warm and Hermione s sleeping form is snuggled comfortably against my back. I quietly slip out of bed and I poke my head out of the bedroom window: Wow, it is really cold outside. Going out now almost seems wrong but I know that my seductress is waiting. I know that she will not be there for long. I get into my long -jons and sallopettes and put on my duvet and jacket. Jesus it is cold. Good. This is good. At the door is my rucksack already packed the night before. I glide the car out of the drive way and head over to where she is waiting. After two minutes I arrive and with the aid of the moonlight I see that she is still there. Waiting cold and fearsome. I sneak up through the trees and when I am near fish out an axe from my rucksack. Experimentally I whack it into her underside. The blade thucks into her reassuringly. Good. This is good. Now comes the dilemma: should I use a rope or should I go at it without one. Try without I agree with no-one but myself. I strap on my points don my helmet and slam both my axes high into her side. Next I kick my points in deep. She is as hard as a diamond. I repeat the manoeuvre and soon begin to gain ground. She is steep. Very steep but despite the fact that all my points are only biting a few centimetres into her back I feel assured that I will do it. Conditions will not be this good again. No-rope! I will do it without. Up I go. Concentrate. My icy seductress is wearing a beautiful thick dress tonight. . A flowing garb that flows wide at the bottom and becomes narrower and narrower as it climbs up to her slender neck. This will be the crux. Her neck. Watch it there. For now I am happy .My tools slam home reassuringly every time and never need to be reset. I look down at the ground below me. I am well above the forest canopy. Move up little by little. Seconds, minutes glide by. Me in my bubble. Feeling ok. Situation nice and airy. Just as it should be: I am totally in control. Suddenly a Crack.! Loud as a whip!. The thought about maybe a rope coming in handy creeps up. Get rid of it. It is nothing. Think about now. I move higher. Another Crack.! And as I slam home my hammer it shatters a large dinner plate out of my temptress s icy belly. Jesus! & . Calm! & Calm& just reset the tool. Whack. This time it sets. Not as good as before but at least I can move on it. Up again. Another Crack. I look up and to my horror notice that her neck is flaking away. Her dress is thinner here than what it appeared from below: silky thin, almost transparent.. It is sporting two nice straight rips as if she has been slashed by a switch blade... Cracks& Deep cracks. Jesus. It all had seemed so cool a minute ago. Fear starts to knock. It rises from a central point and begins to flood the core. Trying not to panic I look left and right: Nothing but overhanging black rock. Another crack and another Jesus. I begin to move my tools out of her neck and slam them lower down. Going down on the steep stuff . Never my forte . I am looking down to see where I can kick my points. Lucky for me as a baseball size block has dislodges from above and slams into my head. Slap!!. Jesus. Thank God for helmets!. I risk a look up and see that another huge ice flake is hurtling towards me. Head down. Wait and Slap!! Stars and instant headache. Jesus! But I am still attached. Still not ripped off and flying. Another sneaky glance up and another large block is coming my way. It whirs overhead sounding like some revolver bullet. It slams into the tree canopy below. I need to get down. I have woken up this icy bitch and she is not liking it. Down it is. One tiny move at the time . Crack! .. another crack . A very deep crack is criss-crossing up her dress. She is breaking up. She seems furious& Hell has no fury& .Lower down her beautiful mantle is thicker. Stronger. Lower down beckons coyly. Little by little I start down. More whirring bullets but no more lucky strikes. Little by little now; a wind up toy in reverse. Once onto her belly I can breathe again. Lots of short sharp breaths. Panting like a dog. Don t loose it here. Slowly. More whipping bullets but still no strikes and no more heavy artillery. . Thank God.. Seconds, minutes glide by. I jump the last 3 meters into a deep snow bank and sink in up to my waste. I struggle out, find my ruck sack and run down the hill. Unlike Lots wife I do not look back. I know where a beautiful warm being will still be dozing & somebody who won t crack at my presence.. this icy bitch can have it.